Five Reasons to Set Up Routines for Your Child
by Juliana Bloom, Ph.D
In my work as a child psychologist, I find myself giving the same advice over and over: establish routines. Most parents probably have a bedtime routine, but I recommend a morning routine and a daytime or afternoon routine, as well.
When I say “routine,” I don’t mean a hard-and-fast schedule. A routine is simply a general list of expectations, with flexibility for the order in which things occur and how long they might take.
For example, for our family, the daily expectations for our kids are that they get exercise, do a chore, do their homework, and read for 30 minutes before screens are allowed. Because our kids love screens, and they know their parents are serious about these rules, they are motivated to get through the list and usually do it quickly and without complaining (this took a while).
Morning routines are more complicated because you have a time limit. For those routines, it is helpful to post a list of what has to get done (get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth, pack backpack). For some kids, a posted photo of what ready looks like helps them plan.
Here are five reasons I love routines:
Routines give kids (and adults) a sense of control. In these pandemic times, we are being asked very often to adapt to change. That is hard for adults to manage, and even more so for kids. Routines help children’s brains develop executive functioning skills by teaching them what to expect, how to transition, and to be more independent. When life throws you a curveball, the structure of a routine can provide a lot of comfort and minimize anxiety and stress.
You don’t have to nag. The routine is the boss so you don’t have to be. Especially for strong-willed kids, this can be a game-changer. One of the best parts of having a posted list or photo is that instead of reminding your kids to put on sunscreen for the 100th time, you just ask, “Did you finish everything on the list?” This helps avoid power struggles.
Children will internalize their routines and build life skills and healthy habits. After years of including daily exercise in our family routine, our kids will now plan in the morning how they will get their exercise done. If we are working, they will even do it independently by taking the dog for a walk, riding their bikes, or swimming laps in our pool. This makes life easier on working parents, and I hope is setting them up for a lifetime exercise habit.
Routines help family life run more smoothly. They help us feel organized and reduce our stress. It was super stressful to teach our kids to unload the dishwasher – we ended up buying a set of plates from Ikea that were basically sacrificial lambs. But it paid off. Our kids are now truly able to help around the house. Our 11-year-old often empties the dishwasher in the morning, which keeps the kitchen cleaner all day. I usually even get to finish my morning coffee now!
There’s more time for fun. When the kids are independent in their routines, put away their own belongings, and contribute to the household chores that means YOU don’t have to do everything anymore. There’s more time for quality family time that everyone can enjoy.